Blinded!
By Rose Murdock

Marianne pulled into the space next to him and they walked in together.  As usual, she seemed to have had way too much coffee so far this morning.  She was talking a mile a minute about the beautiful morning and her plans for the summer.  Billy really wasn't paying attention.  His thoughts were wandering and his half-awake brain was just not able to keep up.

After staring at the pile of paperwork on his desk for about 15 minutes he decided a cup of coffee might be in order for him.  Everyone seemed to be in the break room and they were all talking about their summer plans.  Northern Michigan winters were long and when summer came, those who had stuck around all winter thoroughly enjoyed the summer.

Bruce, the bank manager and Ed, the custodian, were talking about their fishing trip in July.  Marianne and Joanne, both tellers, were talking about their plans to help with the church Vacation Bible School.  When Joanne saw Billy she asked him if he would consider coming to church one Sunday.  With as much politeness as he was able muster up at the moment, he asked why.  

"To meet God.  To learn the Bible."  She answered.

"The Bible is just words."  Billy answered.  He didn't mean to sound mean.  But he really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.  He was beginning to get a headache.

"But they're God's words," Joanne continued.  "God's words can save you."

"How can words save anyone?"  Billy asked.  "They're just words."  And with that he took his coffee back to his desk.  He wasn't trying to be rude but he really was getting a headache.

By noon his headache was no better, in fact it was getting worse.  The sun was gone behind the clouds now and it was getting colder outside.  It was March 3 and it was going to snow.  Looks like winter was here for a while longer.

On the way home Billy's headache was out of control.  He'd taken every kind of pain killer he had and nothing seemed to touch it.  Bruce even sent him home an hour early because he looked so bad.  Billy lived out of town a ways and he hoped he could make it home.  He considered driving to the hospital instead but that was in the opposite direction and he just wanted to go home so he could sleep this off--or drink it off.  

Even though it was no longer sunny out the light bothered him bad.  He never had a migraine before but he imagined this was probably what it felt like.  Then, it hit him.  He couldn't see.  Not at all.  Everything went white and then black.  Billy thought there was a small dirt road off to the right and tried to pull over onto that, trying to remember where it was.  He didn't think he got it exactly right because he bounced over something.  A rock?  A tree stump?  He didn't know.  He couldn't see anything!  And his head felt like it was going to explode.  

The car stopped.  Billy put it in park.  He didn't know if he was in a ditch or where he was.  He sat there for a few minutes trying to decide what to do.  How could he go for help if he couldn't see?  Maybe this was just a temporary thing.  Maybe his sight would come back in a minute.  He sat there for a while and he had no idea how long it was.  He couldn't even look at his watch.  He couldn't tell if it was light or dark outside.  And he didn't remember hearing any cars drive by or people outside.  "I've got to do something.  I could be off the road in a ditch where no one can see me."  He opened the door, stepped out and fell down.  Apparently he was in a ditch because the ground was uneven.

Billy felt around the car to try and figure out which direction he should walk.  If he had made it onto that little dirt road then there was probably a house at the end of it.  He started walking in what he thought was the direction of the road.  He stepped on twigs and branches and brush and all sorts of things that he couldn't see.  Obviously he was not on any kind of road, or even a path.  The road had to be here somewhere!

Billy walked for what seemed like hours and never hit anything that seemed like a road.  It could have easily been hours.  He can't tell if it's light or dark out.  But he knows its cold and now its snowing.  "What is happening!"  Billy yells.  "Help!"  He stops walking and listens.  He doesn't hear anything.  He's cold.  His head hurts.  He can't see.  And he's painfully aware now that he's lost.  He doesn't even know the direction of his car anymore.  He turns towards what he thinks may be the way he came from and begins to walk.  Suddenly, he loses his footing and slides down a slope.  As he falls to the side while trying to catch his balance he lands and instantly feels cold water begin to surround him.  Fear grips him.  "Oh my God!" he shouts.  But its shallow.  It's only a pond.  He manages to get back on his feet. 

He's ready to pass out.  He's ready to give up.  "Can anybody hear me!"  He shouts out at the top of his lungs.  "Is anybody out there!"  He listens.  Silence. He falls down on his knees and cries.  Shivering, he sobs.  "I can't die this way.  Don't let me die this way."  And hopelessly, he falls over onto his side and closes his blinded eyes. 

He felt like it was just a few minutes.  But he was so disoriented he had no idea how long he laid there.  He felt numb.  He tried to open his eyes but realized they already were open and he still couldn't see.  "Damn it!"  He mumbles under his breath.  "God?"  And just then he saw a light.  He still couldn't see, but he could see a light.  As he sat up and looked towards the light he realized that it was coming from a specific direction.  When he turned his head, he couldn't see it.  He kept his head towards the light and stood up.  It was still there.  He took a step.  His head pounded.  His body was numb.  He had no strength.  But he took another step.  And another.  

Billy kept walking towards the light.  How many steps?  He didn't know.  But he kept going up and down hills and over tree stumps and rocks.  He didn't move off course.  He followed the light.  As he got closer it seemed that the light was coming from up higher.  An airplane?  No way.  An airplane would be moving.  This light was staying in one place.  Billy walked and walked and walked and gave every ounce of strength he had towards following that light.  Finally, the ground became smooth.  He was out of the woods.  He was in a clearing.  He was in front of the light.  He heard a voice.  

"Hey!"  The voice said.  "Are you O.K.?" 

And with that, Billy collapsed and drifted into unconsciousness.

When he woke up he was in the hospital.  He had tubes and monitors all around him and the first face he saw was Bruce, his boss.

"Billy?  Thank God you're awake.  Are you O.K.?"  Bruce called for the nurse.

"What happened?"  Billy just realized he could see again.

"Some kids found you down by the old lighthouse just outside of town.  You came stumbling out of the woods like a blind man and collapsed right in front of them."  

"I was blind."  Billy said.  "I couldn't see.  Except for this light..."

"Well it was pitch dark out when you came out of the woods.  It was 4:00 in the morning.  And it was two days ago Billy.  Nobody really knows how long you wandered around in those woods.  When you didn't show up for work I called the police.  They found your car in a ditch, but you were no where around."

"I followed the light..."  Billy said again.

"Well thank God you're O.K.   Listen, I need to get back to the office.  I'll check in on you later."  

"Thanks, Bruce."  

Bruce knew that Billy didn't have any family here.  No wife, no girlfriend.  And not any friends really except for Bruce and Ed and a few regulars at the bar.  There wasn't anyone to call.  No one to worry about him.  Billy always had preferred it that way.  But now he began to wonder if that was really the best way to live.  He felt a pang of loneliness--an emotion he thought he had shut down for good a long time ago.

He forgot to ask Bruce what day it was and how long he had been in the hospital.  It's a good thing those people were there and he waited to collapse until he was with them.  He was going to have to find out who they are and thank them.  And he'd like to find out what kind of light that was.  It must have been powerful for him to be able to see it when he was blind. 

A few days later, Billy approached the old lighthouse.  The hospital had dismissed him saying it was temporary blindness most likely caused by a severe migraine.  They also had to treat him for dehydration and hypothermia.  He was due back to work on Monday and decided to spend his first day out by looking for the place he collapsed at.  The kids who found him came up to the hospital to visit him.  They told him they were at the old lighthouse just outside of town.  They insisted that they didn't have any lights on.  They were a boyfriend/girlfriend  couple looking for a quiet place and didn't even have the car headlights on.  

As Billy got out of his car he saw that this looked like a party place for the kids.  There were a few empty beer cans around.  He figured the light must have been coming from the lighthouse somehow.  He remembered that as he got closer it seemed to be up in the air so if it was coming from the lighthouse then that would explain why it seemed high up.  But he still couldn't figure out why the light would be facing the woods instead of out into the water.

The weeds were growing high all around the base.  In fact, it looks like it hasn't been used in years.  Billy wondered if the door was even unlocked.  The lighthouse was painted gray.  The paint was peeling and obviously nobody has been here to tend to it in quite some time.  Billy tried the door.  It opened. 

The only thing inside is a set of stairs.  He slowly climbs the first two steps and determines they feel pretty solid so he continues.  After every 12 steps is a short landing.  At the top there are three windows that are broken out.  "Yeah, it's been a long time since this lighthouse has worked."  Billy says out loud.  But he's convinced the light had to be coming from here.  There's no where else it could have came from.  He looks around at the top and finds there is no light.  There has to be.  How can a lighthouse have no light? 

There is a ladder that leads up higher and Billy cautiously climbs the ladder.  There is a trap door at the top and he slowly opens it up and climbs into the top.  There is the base where the light used to be, but no light.  This is impossible Billy thinks.  No one here to thank, no explanation even for where the light came from.  There are windows up here as well.  Billy looks out over the lake.  Lake Superior.  The largest freshwater lake.  Many ships have sunk in this treacherous lake.  How many were saved by this lighthouse?  It's a beautiful view.  He moves to the window that faces the woods.  Who would think that this lighthouse would save someone on the shore.  Or did it?  How could it have? 

Billy leans out the window and breaths in the fresh Northern Michigan air.  He closes his eyes, thankful, even if he has no one to thank.  "Thank you anyway" he says.  As he opens his eyes the light is so bright that he immediately shuts them again.  "Oh no!" He says, thinking he's going blind again.  He opens his eyes slowly this time and there is a light shining so bright he can hardly see.  He squints his eyes to try and see where it's coming from.  He looks back at the base where the light used to be and it's not coming from there.  He realizes now that it's starting to get dark outside.  But this light is so bright!  Where is it coming from!  It seems to be from somewhere around the window he was just looking out of.  In fact, it seems to be coming from outside the lighthouse.  He manages to peek out the window again, eyes squinted and sees that the light is coming from just below the window.  It looks like its coming right out of the cement.  How can that be?  Billy tries looking closer but its just too bright.  He can't see where it's coming from.  Could there be lights built into the cement?  Doesn't that seem odd?  And it's facing the woods.  Why would they do that?  Billy looks around again.  That is the only light shining.  There is no light coming from anywhere else near any of the other windows. 

Then, the light shut off.  Billy blinks a few times and quits squinting.  He slowly looks out the window, just below it to see if he can see where it was coming from.  No light bulb, no holes in the cement.  Wait, there is some kind of engraving there.  But it's upside down to him as he looks at it from the window.  What could it possibly say?  Is that where the light was coming from?  Billy twists his head around while leaning out the widow to try and read the engraving.  That's all he needs now is to fall out the window and kill himself after everything he's been through. 

Finally, he's in a position to read it.  "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105."  It's a scripture.  From the Bible.  Billy's head swirled.  How can an engraving in the cement shine a light that bright?  He examines it closer.  There is no light bulb in there anywhere. Maybe its coated with some kind of special paint and when the sun hits it it reflects the light.  Then how would that explain the light shining into the pitch black night?  He thought about what he said to Joanne at work, "How can words save anyone?"  This doesn't make sense.  Would God actually make these words shine with a light so bright that Billy was able to find his way out?  And why would He do that?  To show Billy He was real?  Would God actually do that?  He takes a closer look at the words again.  This time there is no doubt.  The words light up so bright that Billy thought he was blinded for sure.  He pulls back inside the window, covering his eyes with his hands.  That was for real.  The light came from the words.  This was insane.  But it's not insane--it's real. 

As Billy opens his eyes and realizes he can still see he thinks of a verse he learned in Sunday School a long time ago.  He hadn't thought about it in years.  "Once I was blind, now I see."  And he did.  He saw it all clearly now.  God really did this.  Just for him.  "Oh my God," Billy said aloud. "You really do love me."  And the tears cleared his eyes, but choked his words.  He was touched by God, and forever changed.