Unresolved
Regrets
January 4, 2008
by Rose Murdock
Regret is a feeling of disappointment, sorrow, longing, distress, grief, or mourning. It comes as a result of a loss or pain. It’s distress concerning something done or not done. Regret can range from mild disappointment all the way to heartache, anguish and bitterness. It can be a very painful sense of irreplaceable loss. You may experience a mild form of sadness over something that happens, (or didn’t happen) or the loss may be so severe that you experience agonizing grief and prolonged, intense misery.
Regret is different from simply mourning a loss when it carries with it a sense of you causing the loss. If you feel that through an action or inaction you caused pain or something to be lost then your feeling of regret over the loss will be more intense. Of course its always hard to grieve over the loss of someone or something we loved but if you feel that you were responsible in some way for that loss then the added guilt makes the regret that much worse.
So regret sounds like an awful thing doesn’t it? It is uncomfortable to say the least. And when it continues on over a period of time then it is a problem. However, feeling regret over something you have done wrong is not a bad thing. In fact, it shows that you have a conscience and that in your heart you are feeling bad for some type of pain or loss you may have had a part in. That is not bad. It would be worse if you felt no regret at all over something you may have done wrong. Look at what Paul said to the church at Corinth after he had written them a letter correcting a sinful attitude they had:
2 Corinthians 7:8-13-The Message Bible
“I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I'm glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss.
“Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
“And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for in the first place when I wrote the letter. My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you—that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God. That's what happened—and we felt just great.”
Regret is not bad when it leads you to change a certain behavior or attitude that is against the ways of God. Regret is what leads you to repentance. And repentance is necessary for forgiveness. Receiving forgiveness is necessary in order for you to be able to live with yourself after having done something wrong. Everyone does bad things. Everyone sins. The pain you feel over what you’ve done wrong shows that you are in touch with your conscience and your heart is not calloused. What a sad and dangerous thing it would be if you felt nothing bad when you did something wrong. In fact, in the book of Revelation it talks about those who will not repent over what they’ve done wrong. It’s not a good thing. (Rev. 16:9). Repentance gives glory to God and it allows you to be forgiven.
The best thing to do if you’re feeling regret is to turn that painful feeling into a godly sorrow and repent. Receive God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself. If there’s anything you can do to help the situation then you might consider that, but otherwise let it go. If you think about it, its not always the action (or inaction) itself that you regret, but it’s the consequence of that action/inaction. At the time you may not have had the intention of causing harm but that’s what it led to and now you regret it. Or, even if you did have
a bad intention from the beginning, if you are feeling regret now over what you’ve done then that means that you have the ability to repent. The sorrow or anguish you feel is the thing that gives substance to your prayer of asking God to forgive you. This is why Jesus came. To bear the consequence of your sin. You don’t have to carry it with you any more. He did that for you. That’s why the message of Jesus Christ is called the “Good News”.
Sometimes, a person has trouble letting go of regrets. They can’t seem to forgive themselves or receive forgiveness from God. For some reason, they feel that they have to continue to punish themselves for what they’ve done, (or not done). This is where faith comes in. Faith that God loves you. Faith that what Jesus did really worked. Faith to make it personal.
Regret is uncomfortable. And sometimes after you’ve done something wrong you might find it hard to go to God and ask for forgiveness. I remember a time when it seemed like I was asking for forgiveness for the same thing over and over. It was very hard because with each time I felt worse. But God showed me that I had to feel that pain because if I didn’t, then my regret and repentance was not sincere. The sorrow you feel when you do wrong is really a deterrent to keep you from doing it again. You don’t want to fall into the deception of thinking that you can just keep doing something over and over and God will always forgive you because at some point your heart will become calloused and you won’t be able to feel the regret that’s necessary for repentance. But once you do feel that regret and ask for forgiveness then let it go and forgive yourself and live your life with an increased sense of wisdom and understanding about yourself and the areas that you need to grow in to be more like Him.
The beauty of what Jesus has done for us is that you can grow to be who you are meant to be. You can be you. You can discover who God has made you to be. You’re not under the letter of the law but under His grace. So don’t be too hard on yourself and put demands on yourself that not even God puts on you. Find the balance between living in God’s grace and facing the pain of regrets head on. Both are necessary.
If you’re feeling pain today, unresolved regrets may be the reason. Search your heart. Is there something you’ve done that has caused harm or pain? Whether to God, yourself or others? Is there something you’ve neglected to do that has caused a loss or disappointment of some type? Of course you don’t need to live your life catering to the whims of other people, but if there’s something that you feel has been left undone then its time to get it resolved. Don’t avoid the pain of repentance any longer. Feel the regret, ask God for forgiveness, do what you can and forgive yourself and let it go. The freedom you’ll feel as a result is definitely worth it!
